Does Grief ever go away?

Is Grief About Moving On or Living With It?

2021 was the hardest year of my life. It didn’t just knock me down—it shattered me. And yet, here I am, trying to piece it all together.

It began on June 20th, when my son, Jeru, passed away from cancer. The doctors said he had two weeks, but he only made it nine days. Those nine days were a mix of grief and gratitude. We spent our time together in the car and walking in the park while dropping my mum off for her daily radiation treatments.

Yes, my mum was also dying—cancer was taking her from me too. Two of my biggest rocks, the souls who held me up, were slipping away at the same time. I can’t even explain what that felt like.

On June 30th, I lost my job after standing up against workplace bullying. It felt like betrayal. I’d fought so hard, but the system failed me.

September brought more loss. My dog Skyla went into labor, and I was excited for a bit of joy. But it wasn’t to be. The first two puppies were stillborn. The third had complications, and an emergency trip to the vet revealed the worst—none of the pups survived, and Skyla almost didn’t make it either.

Two days later, my other dog, Sharman, Jeru’s son, was diagnosed with cancer.

By October, it felt like I was drowning. Family members I thought would help only added to my pain, leaving me feeling more alone than ever. And then came November, when I had to put my mum into palliative care. Watching her deteriorate, seeing her in pain—it broke me in ways I didn’t know were possible.

She passed away on November 14th. That morning, I woke up to a warm sensation, like a loving hug wrapping around me. I knew it was her, saying goodbye.

Grief Is Not About Moving On

People talk about “moving on,” but what does that even mean? How can you “move on” from losing the people or animals who were your everything? Moving on implies forgetting, replacing, leaving behind. That’s not how love works.

For me, grief isn’t about leaving them behind; it’s about carrying them with me.

My mum is still here in so many ways. When I look out the new windows she paid for, she’s there. When I see dragonflies flying around me, drawing infinity symbols in the air, I know it’s her. I hear her voice in the songs I sing and feel her love in the flowers she planted.

Jeru is still with me too. His son Sharman reminds me of him every day. I have Jeru’s favorite toy, his playlist, and even his name tag on my keyring. His spirit lingers in the little moments, in the memories we made, and in the puppies Sharman just fathered—I see Jeru in them too.

Moving Forward, Not Moving On

Grief is not about erasing what’s happened; it’s about learning to live with it. It’s about holding onto the love, the lessons, and the memories while finding a way to step forward.

There are days when the pain hits like a wave—unexpected, overwhelming, and raw. But I’ve learned to honor those moments. As my grief counselor, Priss, says, “Feel it. They deserve that. It’s a way of honoring them.”

How I Navigate Grief

Here’s what’s helped me find a sense of peace, even in the chaos of loss:

1. Allow Yourself to Grieve
When grief hits, don’t push it away. Find a safe space and let yourself feel. Cry, scream, or just sit with your emotions. It’s okay to not be okay.

2. Carry Them With You
Keep something meaningful—like a piece of jewelry, a photo, or a playlist. I wear my mum’s earrings and keep Jeru’s favorite songs close.

3. Reach Out
Talk to someone who gets it. A friend, a counselor, or even the memory of your loved one.

4. Create Rituals
Light a candle, play their favorite music, or write them a letter. These little rituals can bring comfort and connection.

5. Remember the Good Times
Focus on the moments that made you smile. I have photos that remind me of the love and joy we shared.

6. Use Tools That Support You
My grief support pack— especially blended scents like *Grief Support, Feel Better, Safe Space & Anxiety Gone*—helped me feel grounded and soothed during the toughest days.

What Grief Taught Me

Grief isn’t something you “fix” or “move on” from. It’s a part of you now. It’s the price of love, and it’s okay to carry it with you.

Yes, it’s messy and unpredictable. Yes, it can make you feel like you’re living in two worlds—one filled with loss and another filled with new beginnings.

But here’s what I know: You can feel sad for what you’ve lost and still find joy in what’s ahead. It’s not one or the other.

If you’re grieving, know that you’re not alone. Lean on the people, tools, and practices that help you. And most importantly, be kind to yourself.

Sending you love, light, and support,
AJe

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